Articles and reflections

Why do we expect so much from others… and so little from ourselves? It’s a simple question, but one with profound consequences. Everyday life is full of it: we expect our partner to grasp our silences at once, a friend to get in touch “without our having to ask”, a colleague to be more appreciative, our children to be always grateful, the world to notice us. Meanwhile, our expectations of ourselves seem to grow fainter. We let ourselves off for everything we give up, we procrastinate, we tell ourselves that “nothing changes anyway” or that “it isn’t worth it”. Why? The long shadow of disappointment According to many psychologists, the mechanism hidden behind this imbalance has to do with a subtle, chronic form of mistrust: mistrust in ourselves, often disguised as overcontrol of others. As if we were saying, unconsciously: “I can’t change my life, but if you behaved the way I want, then I could be happy” . In this sense, expectations become a form of emotional dependence. The philosop...

There are relationships that dress themselves in love but breathe domination. They don’t shout, they don’t always wound with words, but slowly they build an invisible cage made of control, expectations and lies. Behind the mask of “us forever” there often lies a deep inability to truly love. The desire to possess the other person – to organise their life, absorb their choices, deny them any elsewhere – is not love, but a subtle and dangerous form of relational toxicity . Possession in disguise Many people mistake need for affection, jealousy for passion, manipulation for attention. In reality, the need to control the other springs from an inner emptiness that one does not want to face. Erich Fromm understood this well: in The Art of Loving he distinguishes mature love – founded on freedom and responsibility – from immature love, which seeks in the other a narcissistic compensation, a crutch to keep from falling. Love, Fromm writes, is not a passing emotion but a capacity that is cul...