Sergio TripodoRelationships, identity and everyday philosophy
A small table and an empty seat by the window, in black and white

In the existentialism of relationships: facing the feeling of not being enough

By · Teacher and author

A small table and an empty seat by the window, in black and white

In the complex dances of love and relationships, what seems as clear as the morning sun can suddenly hide behind the grey clouds of doubt. One of these dark moments can arise when the person you love begins to think that what you do for them is not enough. But fear not, for in the universe of philosophy and existentialism there are reflections that can guide us along these intricate paths of misunderstanding.

1. The essence of existence: The great existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once said: “Existence precedes essence”. This concept can shed light on our relationships. The fact that you exist and are trying to do your best for the person you love is meaningful in itself. Your existence is the foundation on which to build the essence of your actions.

2. Camus’s absurd: Albert Camus spoke to us of the absurdity of human existence. In a sense, relationships can be absurd – you try to make everything perfect and still something seems to be missing. Recognise that the absurd is part of the journey and that perfect expectations can often prove unattainable.

3. “The difference between facts and interpretations”. In the world of philosophy, Friedrich Nietzsche taught us to distinguish between facts and the interpretations we give them. So when your partner feels dissatisfied, try to dig deep to understand whether what you are doing is really insufficient, or whether there is a different interpretation that could lead to a deeper understanding.

4. “Fromm’s love and freedom”. Erich Fromm offered us a unique analysis of love as an act of will and commitment. Perhaps, when we feel inadequate, we could explore whether we are truly investing our will and our commitment in the relationship. And at the same time, let us remember that love should not stifle the other person’s freedom.

5. “Frankl’s search for meaning”. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Holocaust, spoke of the importance of finding meaning in the most difficult circumstances. When you feel inadequate, try to reflect on what meaning this challenge might have in your relationship. It can be an opportunity to grow and to deepen the connection.

In a world that constantly tries to define norms and standards, human relationships often resist such definitions. Remember that what matters is open dialogue, understanding and the desire to work together. In the end, whether you are a disciple of existentialism or simply a heart in search of love and connection, what you do for your partner reflects your commitment and your affection.

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